How are you feeling?

This post is about me, not the election.  As in How is Sara feeling.

My boob is the size of a mini-basketball and it is firm like it as well.  I feel like I got hit in the chest with a baseball bat, but the pain is up and down.  I'm up moving around and probably over did it yesterday so today, I will lay low.  I am not truly in pain as in ouch, but more of just a bothersome pain.  

Yesterday, Amy and I went to Walmart to get a supportive bra.  I feel like a true WALMARTIAN now because I wore my pajamas there.  I found a XXXL bra to fit around my enlarged boob and wore it out of the store.  It provided comfort yesterday and I should definitely put it on soon because I'm feeling some pain.  We did some other shopping as well like more Tylenol, Colace, a mandolin, a peeler, and another button up shirt.  Winter is upon us and there are no short sleeve shirts.  Shopping in Walmart wore me out.

When we got to City Market for groceries, I hopped right into the driving cart and led Amy around pointing out things to get on my list.  Those things do not have a great turning radius, and I slammed into the gift card display.  Luckily nothing came down.  And some people were great about letting me go by and some people must have thought I didn't need to be in a driving cart as young as I am (haha).  

Those two trips wore me out and I returned home to take a short nap.  Then I ate lunch and Amy and I played SHUT THE BOX.  I laid down some, we had a wonderful meal thanks to Sara H. who made me lasagna before leaving the park, and we (Amy and I) ended the night watching the movie Unfrosted.  Murray of course finished with the election results.  

Not sure what time I finally went to sleep, but I do know I awoke at 215am.  I took some meds and read some of my kindle book before falling back to sleep.  Pabst was having some good dreams and kept kicking the closet and so by 600am I was up and awake.  There is snow on the ground.

Today, I am going to try to take it easy, but when I have to lay in bed and rest, I do not.  When I don't have to rest, I can lay in bed all day.  So here goes resting today.

Until next time....

Here we go....

I walked into the grocery store the other day and this was the first thing that I saw.  No way in hell I bought it as most of you know I have the absolute hatred for these fricking balloons.  But anyway, I've had a lot of people reach out and say, "how are you doing or how are you feeling?".  And to be honest, I've had a hard time answering those questions.  I told Lisa "like a wrecking ball".  But honestly, that is just what the first thing that came into my mind was.  Do I have bad days?  Sure I do, but then I bounce back with a good day.  Probably the worse I've endured this last week is my sleeping.  I've awakened at 2am almost every night and immediately some damn cancer thought comes into my mind and then I play toon blast until 4, sleep until 6, go about my day, and somehow make it through without a nap.  

There has been an update as of late and I've been waiting until today to post about it.  Surgery is tomorrow!  My team and I are heading over to Durango this evening because it is supposed to snow and also because I have to be at the hospital at 6:45am.  Then I get to hang out all fricking day.  Surgical nurse said I'd probably be released around 4:00pm.  UGH.  I told the team to just drop me off and come back later.  No sense they sitting in uncomfortable chairs reading books all day.  But of course, that won't happen.  

The actual surgery is not until 12:00pm.  I start the morning off with some radiology appointment where they put wires in my boob to mark the margins of the mass.  I am also injected with some dye that will trace to my lymph nodes.  Then I just hang out until 12:00pm.  The surgery will be around 1.5 hours.  I will be moved into Phase I recovery.  Once I've passed Phase I, I will be moved into Phase II and the team can come in and bother me.  And then I will be released.  Depending on weather, we will either drive back to Cortez or stay over again.  

I'm ready...

I have a shirt that Murray's brother sent me to wear "DON'T LET IT WIN" with pink ribbons.  Of course, I probably won't be wearing it home as I won't be able to lift my arm.  Amy and I went and got a comfy pajama button up top yesterday to wear home.  And Amy did some shopping prior to driving up to get me a proper after surgery bra that snaps in the front.  Luckily, she lives in Phoenix where you can order something from Amazon at 8:00am and have it delivered by 5:00pm the same day.  But she also went to several other stores to get others.  We took some back to Walmart last night.  

So here we go...

Until next time....

  

 

The date is set

The surgeons office called me on Thursday and said November 5th will be the surgery.  Ugh I can’t wait to wake up from this and find out who the next president is.  

Anyway, the plan is to have a lumpectomy. An incision or two in my boob and one under my armpit.  I’ve been having pain in both places on and off lately. Or have I?  Could they be phantom pain because I know what is lurking inside my body now. 

I am prepared that things might not go as planned and might wake up to having the entire boob gone or may be two. It is a possibility. Cancer is an evil mother fucker. We will just see. Luckily for me, I don’t have any stomach tattoos so if they have to pull skin, it will just have a belly button piercing scar.  And if they want, they can take some fat too. 

Once the mass(es) are removed, they will be sent to pathology and return a oncotype score.  This score will determine the likelihood of breast cancer reoccurring and also the treatment.  For instance, chemo might not help my cancer type.  So after surgery it is a waiting game again for about a week and a half. 

Lots of waiting, plan, waiting…

I had a call from a social worker today.  I got excited for a moment thinking not an ology but then sociology. Anyway, she asked me about my support system. 1. My husband  2. Great family support although my 3 brothers didn’t send me $100 to cheer me up (photo below I sent to them)  3. My core group of very close girlfriends. 4. My close knit friends. 5. My social media friends. 6. My work. When I mentioned work, she was very happy to hear it. And I was sad to hear her say often times people’s work aren’t supportive. WTF. Someone is fighting for their life and you are going to say “oh well see you later”. I’m very glad mine is behind me the entire way. 

So in the next week, I need to get my work life in order and plan for some recovery time.  I also have a special trip I’m planning on taking at the end of November come hell or high water. The place we’d be staying said if we can’t make it, they’d honor our payment for a year.  I would say saying you have cancer has its perks, but not really.

If you leave a comment, could you leave your first name  I didn’t realize I had so many anonymous friends.  And I haven’t been able to guess most of them.  

Until next time…

Self exams and the next steps

During both the Phoenix and Durango surgeon appointments, the doctors did another exam.  Both of them felt the lumps.  I've said before that I have not been good about doing the self-exams, but I got to thinking.... if I had done them regularly, would I have caught this way earlier.  I mean, we've caught it early, but could it have been earlier.  I just want to bring that to the women's attention again!

On Monday, Lisa, Murray, and I met for the Durango surgeon appointment.  Well first, we met at Upper Eastside deli for the most delicious sandwiches.  Anyway, we met with the doctor, who is a general surgeon and discussed options, radiology, radiation/chemo, and how long I'll be down and out.  Her words on the last was "I don't want you done and out".  

Between the two surgeons, they both thought that the lumpectomy would be the best option.  Durango surgeon said she had spent time before the appointment going over the imaging with the radiologist.  The second mass is a concern and during the lumpectomy she thought she would be able to take it out as well.  That would be one incision.  A second incision would be under my armpit for taking some lymph nodes.  First, I would go to a radiologist and have two wires inserted in my boob to mark the location of the masses.  She would also place some dye during the incision and that would help show if the cancer had travelled to the nodes.  Cross your fingers, pray, throw sand over your left shoulder, etc. that it has not.  

Once the masses are removed, radiology will do something to make sure all of it was removed.  Then I will be released from the hospital and sent home.  Yep, this will be an outpatient surgery.  

The masses will be sent to pathology (there is now a lot of OLOGY in my vocabulary) and will take about a week and a half to get the results back.  From the pathology, I'll get a score and that score determines the next phase --- radiation, chemo, radiation only, a combination, radiation for 5 days, radiation for 30 days.  

Right now, the hope is to perform the surgery on November 5th (early voting was important).  I'll probably be out of work for the month of November.  That includes recovery and a vacation I have planned, which I cleared with the doctor.  

From there I will be on restricted duty while I go through Oncology portion of the treatment.  My supervisor is already making a long list of things I can do from home.  

I also want to thank everyone who has reached out asking what they could do, asking questions even if I didn't have answers, and just giving words of encouragement.  I also find it amazing how many people have gone through cancer who I never knew had it.  And maybe I didn't know because they weren't comfortable sharing it with the entire nation.  But now that I've told my entire work group and facebook, they feel more comfortable sharing it.   Also, for those that know me, you know that I am not a hugger.  But I have resigned to the fact that everyone wants to give me a big hug and better just get used to hugging these days.  

Until next time....

Last week's update

Thursday, I had two appointments, and one meet up.  I was supposed to have 3 but thankfully the surgeon rescheduled.  I say thankfully because it was overload with just those two appointments.  Murray and Lisa went with me to one appointment and the meet up.

When I met with the surgeon in Phoenix, she said that she would not recommend an MRI because it would probably show more lumps that were probably not cancerous and just make me concerned.  However, the Durango surgeon had already ordered it, so I kept with it.  

And sure enough, the MRI showed another suspicious mass.  Primarily, in order to biopsy the new mass, it would be conducted during whatever surgery I am shooting for.  

After the MRI, we went to the best Mexican food (Frida's) in Durango, and I filled myself with chips and salsa.  Murray ordered a cheese crisp, and I said I bet it won't be as good as Taco Hacienda.  And sure enough it was not.  But they have crispy tacos so that is all that matters. 

I met with my nurse navigator to get some information and just to meet her.  She was great, gave me a book to read, binder with stuff, and answered questions.  

From her, we went down to the oncology.  That was information overload.  Lisa took lots of notes.  But she answered some questions and made me think of more.  

I got home that night drained.  And said to Murray "my nervousness exists on several levels".  (It is a line from the best president movie ever).  But primarily, I have some decisions to make.  Especially after tomorrow's appointment with the Durango surgeon.  

I've had lots of people ask me how I am doing...there are days like above that I'm not doing well.  There are days when I am just fine and don't think about the cancer at all.  There are going to be ups and downs throughout this entire ordeal and I will just push through them because I have the best inner and outer support system.  

Until next time...

The second first opinion

I had my first major appointment on Monday, October 14th.  However, before that I had been told that I had Stage 3 cancer.  So, I was a little distraught over that for a few days.  And then someone said "I hope you don't have HER2 negative.  And guess what...I have HER2 negative, so I was even more distraught.  But what I learned was to not listen to anyone except the doctor.  

On Monday, my sister and I went to the University of Arizona Breast Center in Phoenix.  This was my second opinion, however; the appointment was my first with a surgeon.  Hence, why I call it my second first opinion.  Prior to the appointment, I was emailed four pages of history to complete.  And I did my homework and completed it.  When we got to the appointment, they asked me everything on the paperwork I had already filled out and wrote it down.  I was thinking "why not just read the four pages you asked me to fill out".  Having my sister at the appointment was good because she could answer a lot of the questions about dates and ages and types of cancer.  We have the cancer gene!

The doctor came in and was warm and pleasant.  We talked some and then she did an exam.  She said she could feel the lump.  And I go back to my first post about this...I did not do self-exams as I should have.  And if I had, maybe I would have caught it even earlier.  But to be honest, I have lumpy boobies so I would have constantly been thinking I had to go get checked.  

After the exam, she pulled out a clipboard with a blank piece of paper.  I got to thinking, do doctors go through art class as part of their training?  Anyway, she started writing and drawing and explaining.  She would complete a drawing and the explanation then ask if I understood.  Then she would go on to the next item and again do the same.  Then she pulled out her phone and plugged all the numbers and such into an app and bang:

I have Stage 1a!

We caught it early, it is small, and treatable.  My initial plan was to get a Double Mastectomy (with Double D replacements) so I wouldn't have to go through this again.  But after talking with her, probably going with the lumpectomy, radiation, and may be some chemo.  

Both my sister and I really liked her.  Primarily, I have options.

Thursday, October 17th, I have an MRI and a meeting with oncology.  Monday, October 21st, I meet with the surgeon in Durango.  I will be curious what the Durango surgeon has to say.  

Until next time....

Thanks for the support

 

I want to thank everyone for their support. Although there were a lot of “I’m sorry”, YOU GOT THIS won on the Facebook comments.  I particularly liked the rectal one too. Thanks Tyla.  I will say that I’ve been more emotional over the support than the actual diagnosis.  So thanks. 

Some have asked for my address so here it is, but please don’t waste your money on cards and such. Money, vodka, Trader Joe’s goodies, etc. are more my style.  I have more than enough beanies, masks, and clothes. 

2208 E Empire Street, Cortez CO 81321

Also a quick update on what’s coming up…

I already had a trip to Phoenix planned so I’m going to keep that but I’m also going to get a second (first opinion) from the University of Arizona Breast Center surgeon.  That will be on the 14th. 

I’ll return to Colorado/Utah and have an appointment with my surgeon at Durango Mercy Breast Center. This will be where most of my stuff is completed. That is on the 17th. 

And from those meet and greets, a plan will develop. 

Back in 2015 I had the BRCA testing completed due to all my sisters having a form of cancer.  I had put it off for a long time because I didn’t want it to come back positive and then I’d just be waiting. Who am I kidding, I’ve still been waiting.  The test did come back negative, but as my doctor said “that doesn’t mean you won’t get cancer.”  My breast care nurse navigator (BCNN) recommended I get retested and so I will in the coming weeks.  But I encourage individuals who have a history of cancers in their family to get tested for all strands.  It will be interesting to see if my new test now says positive.  

Until next time…