Friday, December 28, 2007

The Cell Epidemic

What in the hell did people do before the cell phone epidemic? I mean how did our parents know where we were 99% of the time? How did we find a place without using our cell phones to ask for directions? What did we do if we were going to be late to a friend's party because of traffic or getting lucky? What did we do before the world of texting?

How the hell did we survive? We did just fine. But today if someone loses their cell phone their world damn near comes to an end.

I am not saying I am not affected by this epidemic. I am. I own a cell phone. I use it when I land into civilization and I make my 900 phone calls because I actually have service. I don't text because I don't have the service. I just chose not to have the service. I hang up usually when I walk into a store. I don't answer it during dinner and if I must, I step outside. Could I live without it? Yes.

And it is the texting that brought me to this blog. April 23, you know what happened on that day in history? A 13 year-old girl won $25,000. Not for shooting the most baskets during the national championship hoop shoot contest. They still have those too, but you don't win $25,000 when you win. Winners receive trophies and plaques. What in the hell is this world coming to. That girl said she sends 4,000 texts a month. A month. And um, we can't figure out why we are becoming obese?

Last night I went to Charlie Wilson's War. A true story. I was generous and moved my seat so a couple could sit next to each other in the packed theater. And once again that karma bit me in the ass. The movie hadn't started and the teenage couple sitting next to me were fiddling with their cell phones. I figured turning them off as the damn screen had just asked. Then the movie started. Within seconds the cell phone's lcd lit up and young girl picked it up and texted back. I looked over at the guy a few minutes later and he was texting as well. 10 minutes into the movie when it lit up for about the 20th time, I calmly leaned over and said in my most calm voice...


I made sure my hands were clasped to the armrests when she answered---probably. I said who in the hell can not wait 2 hours. She said my mom. Then he answered another text. I figure they were actually texting each other. It wasn't the click click click that was bothering me but the damn light from the phone.

I took a deep breath and let her go about lying to her mom about where she was. At one point she got up and left. I figured to use the bathroom. I almost reached over and grabbed the phone and threw it at the back of her head as she walked away and yelled DON'T FORGET TO TEXT WHILE IN THE RESTROOM. After returning, her mom must have decided enough texting because it slowed down.

When the movie ended, I wanted to lean over and quietly ask in my calm voice: I didn't really understand the movie, could you explain it to me? But I didn't want to embarrass her or of course to interrupt her texting.

So people put down the cell phone for a few minutes a day, enjoy the sunshine, the look in another's eyes, a movie, a baseball game, and everything in between. Life isn't always about being in touch and having the phone glued to ear or fingers.

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