Thursday, July 22, 2004

Summer Ears

I felt it last week.  The itching starts first and then the build up.  Actually, I can't describe the feeling.  And you wouldn't understand any way unless you have had ear problems.  Mine started back when I was like 3, 4, or 5.  I think somewhere in there I burst an ear drum.  But the real pain and problems started after my brothers and sisters persuaded me to dunk my head under water.  I lived in the hottest place in the nation most summers so you lived in a pool or lake.  Each summer, I made the routine visit to the doctor's office for the ear drops and the plunging of whatever had harvested in there.  Those visits still continue today even though I have yet to have my head under the water yet this summer.  I think my ears just realize it is summer and react. 

So about a week ago it started.  I thought it was just wax build up so I went to the market and bought wax removal.  Directions said to put 3-5 drops in so I did.  SNAP, CRACKLE, POP.  My eyes start watering and I can hear it working.  I closed my eyes and fell asleep.  I expected to wake up with a candle wax (like on Shrek) on the pillow, but nothing.  The next day I feel something move in my ear and there some of it is.  Am I grossing you out yet?  Later in the week, the ear continued to bother me so I administered more.  It did its bubbling, but then it did nothing more but seem to clog my ear.  I finally decided it was time for the syringe and hot water at the doctor's office.  I don't have a doctor here, but I was able to walk into a doctor's office and get an appointment immediately.  Not only that, but I was out of there within 20 minutes.  Quite amazing if you think about it.

I admitted to the doctor that I had used a Q-tip that morning on my left ear.  Had got quite a bit out, but it wasn't the left that was bothering me.  Of course now that she looked and touched it, it is bothering me.  My right had a little wax, but had some redness and she didn't like that.  So they flushed it.  If you have never had this done, you would cringe the first time.  Your eyes will water more than anything before.  And you feel like they are filling your head with water via your ear.  If you are a chronic ear problem person, it is the greatest feeling in the world.  I smiled the whole time and the assistance was quite surprised I wasn't cringing.  When I told someone at work about it they cringed.  People without ear problems don't understand. 

And neither do pharmacists.  I have to put 1-2 drops every four hours in my affected ear for 7 days.  Hello, like I am going to walk around my job with cotton balls in my ear.  How the heck am I supposed to do it every four hours.  I don't know where or what I am going to be doing from minute to minute.  Crazy.

But my ear infection helped some people out today.  It was bothering me and I wasn't in the best mood to deal with people.  If you never have had an ear infection, you wouldn't understand.  The first lady I pulled over started crying.  Women, yes women because men don't cry when they get pulled over, don't cry.  It doesn't always help.  The ear infection helped this lady.  Not the crying.  After finally getting her to pull over this is how it went...

Me:  Reason you were doing ##?
Her: No.  I was trying to get to the VC before it closed.
Me: Looking at watch (which said 630, VC closes at 630) Well doesn't seem like you are going to make it.  License, registration, insurance.
Her: Digging through an unorganized wallet for too long in my book Starts sobbing. 
Me: Laughing uncontrollably inside Stay right here.  Walk back to vehicle Did you find any of it yet.
Her: Still sobbing and getting worse No, can I call my mom.
Me: Thinking, lady you are over 40 years old GROW UP.  No just stay right here.  Ponder and let her panic some more.  Walk back to vehicle.  I am just going to give you a warning and slow down.

Later that evening I was driving and talking on the telephone when these lights entered my lane and the radar said 62 MPH.  I immediately hit my lights and stopped three motorcycles dead in their tracks. 

Me: To the first one How fast do you think you were doing?
German: Ah, I don't speak English.
Me: Of course you don't because that normally gets you out of a ticket. Ear flares up.
2nd German: I speak English.
Me:  How fast you think you were doing?
2nd: Um, 45, 35, what is the speed?
Me: Pointing to the radar, to the 62.  That's what I have you at.
2nd: Oh no, that must be kilometers.  My bike is German.
Me: Have a nice night and slow down.

I couldn't go any further with them.  I was laughing inside too hard.  Like the radar deciphers between Miles Per Hour and Kilometers Per Hour.  I have to give it to him for cleverness. 

Off to deal with my ears.

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