Thursday, April 22, 2010

A Blast from the Past

The year 2000. A statement was made to me about a person we knew that came from a well off family who lived a life of simplicity. One or two pairs of jeans, a few shirts, and slept on the floor. I got rid of all my cds (500+), turned off my cable, threw out some of materialist things, was getting ready to sale my vehicle for a moped, but decided against it and started sleeping on the floor. In doing so I felt a huge weight lifted off my chest that I didn't realize was there and some how my life turned very spiritual. No, I didn't find God. However in this same time, I tried to go to every church-Mormon, Black Baptist, Catholic, Christian Bible Thumpers, and even Scientology (they were never open). I started reading Tao and Buddhism and the book that changed everything was the Miracle of Mindfulness. I was writing a lot of journal entries and so I share one from December 3, 2001:

I question what my purpose in life is. And as I sit here at NH I come to think life doesn't really have a purpose. Our, my purpose is to simply live and die. And through those two stages I must learn and experience all I can. I must feel all I can-pain, sorrow, love, etc. And of course learn from the feelings. I will make mistakes and learn from them. I will have a job and learn from it. And I when I die if there is an afterlife, I will have these to learn and experience more. In yesterdays I was constantly searching for the purpose of my life. Constantly wanting the answer, but sitting here tonight the answer just blew through my mind. My purpose in life is to live and I realize this must be fully. It must be on the edge, risky, adventurous. Must be lived to potential of tomorrow' lessons but living only in this exact time, this moment. Not 5 seconds from now, right now. I must get back to being mindful. I'm sitting here writing, smiling. I'm sitting here living my purpose.

The smile that was once shining so brightly and often and's here tonight. Why? I think may be because I found my purpose but may be because life just seems right. Calm, peaceful, and quiet even though I live in the noise-filled busy city. Just feels right!

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