Wound, chemo, radiation

I have come to realize that Bimbo and I relationship is about two days long and then the warning alarms go off.  Blockage alarm, low pressure, battery, etc.  And since this morning around 1am, about every hour it would alarm blockage or low pressure.  I got up and 'slept' on the couch.  I say 'slept' because really, I laid there, dozed, awoke by alarm, silenced it, dozed, and on and on until 6am.  When I finally gave up and got up.  

We had already planned on getting up at 6:30am because we had an 8:45am appointment in Durango with the oncologist.  We were truly hoping that I would not have to go through chemo, but I've come to the realization that everything that can go wrong will go wrong in this battle.  We had been waiting for the oncotype score to come back and it was 34.  Which of course is high.  She said the oncotype score is related to genes and well our family loves the cancer gene.  With an oncotype score of 34, I have a 22% chance of caner coming back somewhere in my body.  By doing a combination of chemo and radiation, that percentage drops to 4-6%.  I'll take losing my hair, puking, etc. over the 22%.  

We met with the oncologist and were given two options.  The red devil and the taxotere versions of chemo.  The red devil is just like it sounds – the devil.  The second one not as much shitiness and does not affect the heart, but still all the same side effects.  After realizing I was carrying a wound vac and looking at the wound, she decided that the taxotere would be a better option as to lessen the chance of another infection. 

There would be 4 sessions 3 weeks apart.  The chemo would take place before the radiation.  But none of this is going to take place until the wound is 100% healed. 

Also, she stated I would need to drink 2L of liquid a day.  I asked if vodka was an option.  She laughed and did not give me a disbelieved look.  But I was joking.  However, for those of you that truly know me, me having to drink 2L of water a day is going to be so difficult not to mention spending most of my day in the bathroom.  But it can be other stuff like Gatorade, juice, etc.  Just not alcohol or caffeine.  Guess I will start prepping for that now and work up to 2L. 

While at the hospital (all my doctors are at the hospital), we checked in with the surgeon to see if the wound vac bandage could be replaced.  They put in a referral to the wound care clinic in the hospital (we have been using the one in Cortez and they operate M-Thursday).  We went down there and after some talking, we realized they were not going to be able to fix it.  How a wound care clinic doesn’t have wound vac supplies is odd to me but so be it.  So, we drove home.

I disconnected the machine, took a shower, and Murray packed it.  The plan was to remove the machine on Sunday anyway, so we are just a few days earlier.  Now, I am packed with collagen and gauze.  Every three days, we will repack with collagen and gauze.  Monday, the 30^th, I’ll go back to the wound clinic. 

But for me the exciting part is that I can function somewhat as a normal human without having to lug around that machine.  And there is a good chance, I’m probably going to get a good night’s sleep this evening.    

And that is where we stand for now.  

Until next time….

Bimbo and I have a love hate relationship

If you did not get the Bimbo and Betty reference either you are too young or you don't know Bimbo and Betty Boop's relationship.  Honestly, I didn't know the relationship either, but since I named my boob Betty, I figured I'd check to see if she had a boyfriend, and it was Bimbo.  I did like Dani's suggestion of Mother Sucker though.  

The whole point of Bimbo, the wound vac, is to speed up recovery time.  With Bimbo, it would be 3-5 weeks and with packing it daily, the recovery time would be 4-6 weeks.  The wound is large, but thanks to Bimbo has gotten better.  

However, Bimbo and I broke up Friday night.  I have it on good notion that come Monday, we will get back together.  As of right now, Murray is packing the wound again.  

Thursday evening around 1am, Bimbo gave me a message of "LEAK ALARM".  The machine said it was low, so I wasn't too concerned about it.  At 4am, it wouldn't stop going off and I finally hollered to Murray.  We have been sleeping in separate rooms due to Bimbo's constant whirling.  Although Murray could fall asleep with the noise without an issue.  We put some tape around the edges as best we could, and the alarm went stopped going off.  Murray of course went back to sleep, and I laid awake until about 5 and finally went to sleep only to be awoken by my 7:30 pill alarm.  I did take a long nap Friday though.  

Friday evening, Bimbo would not shut up.  Leak alarm, low pressure alarm, battery low alarm, blockage alarm.  We gave up.  I cried a lot.  I showered finally as Murray set up the kitchen wound care clinic.  

After showering, some more crying as the dressing was removed as I have the most sensitive skin, Murray got back to work.  For now, we will do daily packing changes until Monday when I have an appointment at the wound clinic and get it all back together. 

The bonus is I don’t have to lug that machine around.  The downside is it increases the recovery time.  Such is life.  As I’ve told a few people, if anything will go wrong in this fight, it will happen to me.  Surly Sara pouring through there. 

Until next time….

Double Appointment Day

No graphic photos!  

I will start with how it went after the appointment last Wednesday up until today's double appointment.  Because I did not want Murray to have to go through having to pack my wound because he would feel like he was hurting me, we attempted to get Home Health to come.  FAILURE.  I've seen so many posts lately about our healthcare system verses other countries and being in the system now, I understand.  Anyway, I went to backup plan of having Matt come over to pack the wound, but Murray said he could do it.  He said that he had come to terms with it knowing that each time we changed it out, I was getting better.  Luckily for me in the two times prior that I had to changed, he had been watching and studying up.  

HE HAS BEEN AWESOME.  We have the routine down now.  He sets up the surgical room - aka kitchen - while I take a shower.  The primary reason for the shower is to wet the gauze so that it is easily removed.  Once done showering, I move into the surgical room and take my seat.  I turn my head to the left, he removes the gauze, drapes it over my arm, and throws it away.  He then packs the wound.  He allows me to hold the scissors until they are needed hoping I don't stab him, and he finishes up.  I usually cover it and lay on the couch for a bit before having to slap the bra back on.  It is like wearing a jockstrap for 24/7 for the men who can’t comprehend why women take off their bras immediately upon getting home after wearing it all day. 

After the appointment on Wednesday, I had some pretty hefty zingers (sharp stabbing pain that last for a couple of seconds).  Wednesday they were rapid firing and I asked Murray to get me a pain med.  I have not had pain meds since Wednesday so feeling pretty good about that.  However, I have had a couple zingers upon returning home.  Appointments wear and stress me out and probably bring on the zingers. 

Appointment #1 – Surgeon

We met with the surgeon today to check on progress.  Betty Boob is looking quite a bit better.  The end of bruising (yellow) is done for the overall, but around the wound is still pretty red.  Murray wanted her to assess whether he has been doing a proper job of packing.  She said that the packing looked good.  She covered my arm before removing it so to not drape it over my arm before the trash.  They then decided that she would watch as Murray packed the wound.  Um, does that mean I don’t need to pay her for her services? 

We also talked about a wound vac.  Primarily, a sponge inside the wound with a machine sucking it out.  We have an appointment at the Wound Clinic tomorrow to have the device inserted.  Not sure if device is the right word, but that’s what I am using.  That will need to be changed 3 times a week – Monday/Wednesday/Friday (Probably Tuesday for Christmas).  My biggest concern is that there is a sealant and well my body doesn’t like adhesive.  So, if that is an issue, we will return to the old fashion job of Murray packing my wound.  I sent a text to my sisters discussing all this.  I told Murray “Amy is googling wound vac right now”.  I was right.

With the packing of the wound, healing will take 4-6 weeks.  With the wound vac, it might be 3-5 weeks. 

Appointment #2 – Radiologist

No time to doddle as the appointments were back-to-back, but luckily a floor apart from each other.  We first met with Nicole, the nurse, and she went over a bunch of stuff.  Then the radiologist (?) came in and discussed a lot.  Murray took notes.  I sat there glazed but listening.  Primarily, the plan, ONCE THE WOUND IS HEALED, will be to have 19 sessions of radiation.  What does sessions mean…well primarily 19 days of driving an hour, getting radiated for 15-30 minutes, driving home an hour.  But first, after the wound is healed, I will have a scan to pinpoint where they want to send the laser beams.  One to two weeks after that, a plan will be in place, and I will start the radiation. 

Before you ask, I am still waiting to hear about whether chemo is needed. 

After the appointments, I needed a chai and Pabst said he needed a pup cup.  We then followed it up with a walk at the Durango Dog Park where it was apparent a lot of individuals have Monday’s off.  But Pabst was a wagging his tail and he didn’t get mounted so that was a good thing.

Until next time….

 

How you doin’?

You realize that I’ve lied to every one of you when you’ve asked that question.  What do you expect from a Type A personality.  We bottle and bottle until we crack.  I’m probably close to cracking.  I’ll be more honest with you.  I think I used up all my positivity in the first month. Now I’m Surly Sara.

It has been a tough go since Saturday especially since my trip was cut short.  I know lot of you thought I should have been staying home and laying on the couch, but if there is anything cancer is not going to do it’s stopping me from living.  I had this trip planned since probably June and a little cancer wasn’t going to stop me. Ok, well technically it did stop the trip, but you know what I’m saying.  

Mornings are best for me so we would activity in the morning, nap in the afternoon, and hang out with the Prathers in the afternoon.  I usually sat at the table doing the puzzle.   

Saturday morning we left Lone Pine for the 4 hour drive to Vegas.  Somewhere after Rhyolite, I thought I felt my boob seeping more than usual, but in checking I couldn’t see anything.  I figured it was just a false feeling again. 

After a smokey dinner, I came back to the room while Murray walked Pabst.  I took my shirt off and knew it was not good. I waited for Murray to get back before taking off the bandage and watching fluid drain down my body.  The ER was close. My former SCA Amanda had already provided information so I just typed into google maps and away we went.  I already had my go bag-charger, reading glasses, pen, chapstick, wallet, and oxy (which the hospital confiscated but gave back). 

They quickly got me into triage. The male doctor couldn’t find a female nurse to chaperone and I said who cares. Ultrasound, CT scan, blood draw, etc. Then there was a lot of waiting.  I finally sent Murray and Pabst back to the hotel. At 4am I was in a room and after being awoken at 7am by a surgeon, I was in the OR at 7:30am. 

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful. My night nurse let me sleep from 1130pm-530pm. Well I was already up when she came in. Then they came and repacked the wound. Murray said when they were unpacking it was like when a magician pulls the handkerchief out and it keeps coming.  We were finally discharged at 4pm and headed for Flagstaff. On Tuesday after some coffee with Della and her checking my temperature we headed home. The drive was long as Murray was emotionally and physically exhausted. We stopped a lot.  (Side note: his bro was in a serious accident after Thanksgiving). But we finally made it and I immediately went to the recovery couch. 

Which brings us to Wednesday, yesterday, since I’m writing this at 3:15am.  We went to my surgeon which is at the hospital.   Although I haven’t registered a fever, there were times my face was burning up.  And the smell emitting from the boob is enough to make me puke.  Murray smelled it and just thought it was the tape being sweaty.  Fucking tape.  I hate it!  I screamed when she pulled off the bandage.   

And when she removed the packed gauze I nearly puked - the combination of pain and smell almost had Murray’s shoes full of vomit.   I cried.  

She repacked it and said it had to be changed daily.  Hopefully we hear from Home Health tomorrow.  Although I know Murray can repack it, it will be difficult on him.  As I wince and cringe, he would feel he’s hurting me. So we asked for home health.  I do have a backup plan hopefully!  Let’s hope we don’t need to use it Melissa.

I’m on two antibiotics.  The side effects are awesome.  I’m guessing one is insomnia.  Delusions or weird dreams is another.  Before waking at 1:15am, I was playing one of my idiotic games, but in real life.  Ugh!

I have two appointments next week…one with my surgeon and one with oncology.  I’m guessing further treatment will be postponed until this clears up. The surgeon did a culture and consulted with infectious care team. So many make up this cancer team.

Until then I’ll be bouncing, ok may be slugging, between the Recovery Couch (its name now) and the table.  I WILL BE TAKING IT EASY!

Until next time…

 

Infection, infection go away

On November 12, when I had the first follow up appointment with the doctor, she was pretty certain that I had an infection.  So, I was placed on antibiotics.  And I dutifully took them 4 times a day.  That meant getting up at midnight to take one.  Every 6 hours.  I have become one of those individuals setting an alarm to take my medications.  

The pain stayed.  The swollen boob stayed.  The weight stayed.  I was getting absolutely no relief.  My boob was the size of a mini basketball and weighed like a 10-pound kettle ball.  I take it back when I said I wanted DDs.   

As said before there was a possibility of my incision opening and all the gunk inside spilling out.  Wednesday night I took off my 24/7 bra (I've stopped wearing it 24/7) and there were spots of blood on the fabric.  Oh, this cannot be good.  Murray checked and said it was not actively bleeding.  I went to bed.

Thursday morning, I awoke at my new 4:30 wake up time.  I attempt to go back to sleep, but it never works.  I came out to the kitchen as I do every morning, have my glass of emergC, play my games, let out Pabst, drink my chai.  I thought I was leaking, but I wasn't sure.  And I do this mostly in the dark as to not wake up Murray.  

My sister Amy texted to ask how I was doing and if it was still leaking.  I looked at my pj top and sure enough it was.  Murray had already gone to walk Pabst.  As I tried to clean off the dried blood it seemed to start bleeding again.  

I already had a scheduled follow up to the follow up but decided to head over to the hospital early just in case eruption happened.  I called them several times asking if I should just come to the office or ER, but wasn't getting an answer or call back.  Five minutes from the hospital I finally got through and they said, "come to the office, we will just put gauze on it".  

My initial appointment was at 9:30 and I believe we arrived at the hospital at 8:15. We were ushered into the room and given what I'll call a breast vest (scrub that opens to the front).  The nurse had another name for it.  And we waited.  The nurse came in several times to check on us, give me water, and do the vitals of course.  

I had been telling Murray all week that the doctor was going to want to put another needle in my boob and drain it.  I'm kinda done with needles in my boob.  

The doctor came in, poked and prodded my boob, and said, "I am going to drain it."  I don't know why I cringe when the doctor says, "get me a 16 gauge".  It always seems so large and scary.  

The doctor put absorbent pads all around me and started to pull off the glue.  I was imaging it breaking open and blood going everywhere, but luckily it didn't.  Then she numbed my boob.  The thing I love about my doctor is that she explains everything she is going to do.  When she was going to numb it, she said this is going to feel like when I put radiation in your body.  And in went the needle like a hornet was stinging me.  

The nurse was on the other day side holding my hand.  It wasn't that bad.  I guess I'm getting used to hornets stinging me.  But there was a moment when I must have tensed or something because they both asked what was wrong.  And I let out a long breath and said, "I realized I should be breathing".  

As much as I wanted to watch I kept my eyes shut as the doctor squeezed and squeezed.  Like if you cut an orange in half and try to squeeze all the juice out by your hand.  60 ml later the doctor unscrewed the syringe and asked the nurse for a second one.  Thankfully I am not blood queasy because she showed me the first one.   

About this time, I thought it would be important to take a photo of her extracting it.  Mostly because my friend Laura is afraid of needles, and I thought this would be a cool one to show her.  The doctor got out of the way, and after Murray figured out how to open the camera on the phone, snapped the photo.  I've cropped it some.  This is at the start of the second syringe.  And that is one of two incisions.  The other is under my armpit.  

Although there was some pain while she was squeezed the juice out, there was also absolute relief while she was doing it.  My boob was getting softer and less swollen.  Even Murray said he could tell that my discomfort was slowing draining from my body.  Our bodies hold about 10 cups of blood and I had 1/2 cup removed.  Down 1/2 a cup and still going strong. Haha. I know, I know it’s being replenished. 

After two syringes full of blood and gunk, I was lightly bandaged, a maxipad stuck in my bra and away we went.  

This morning, I awoke at my usual 4:30, got out of bed, and felt so much better.  I still have some pain, a pain I can't really describe.  Now I know how patients feel when as an EMT we ask, "describe the pain".  I don't know.  The pain is a constant reminder that I had my boob cut into and hopefully it is healing.  

Until next time...

It’s the little things

There is a good chance that I did indeed have an infection. The pain from the 12th increased two fold in the next two days and the redness got worse. But thankfully the wound has not burst open yet.  The pain started to subside on Friday, but it also still lingers.  

During the week elves Luke and Bekky came to visit with the pups, Moki and Juniper.  Not only did Luke make an amazing dinner but Bekky did some chores around the house.  They were most thankful I think that I could wipe my own ass. Haha.  Also Juniper being a puppy was happy my former boss, Jim, stopped by with his pup Cody, because the old dogs of Moki and Pabst were not up to playing. Cody and Juniper ran circles around us while we talked.  

I was left unsupervised on Friday and that isn’t smart.  I started doing things I probably shouldn’t have been. And paid for it Friday evening. 

My biggest pain currently is the open sores from the blisters due to my allergic reaction to the Tagaderm.  But I also have what I call phantom pains but that isn’t the right name.  I guess it is probably nerve pain. Out of right field, I will all the sudden have a stabbing pain. I will just be sitting here and wham.  And there is still the constant concern of the wound ripping open. 

Next appointment is the 21st for a follow up. If the doc thinks there is still fluid in there, there’s a possibility of another needle going into my boob for fluid extraction, but she really doesn’t want to go that route.  I also have an oncology appointment on December 9th.  

Today was definitely a day of progress. During my shower today, I was able to wash my hair by myself.  I could only use my left arm, but I feel I did a good job.  Also, I decided on trying to wear a normal shirt instead of a button down.  These little things made me feel that I’m definitely getting better.  

Until next time…

 

 

Appointment update 11-12-2024

Yesterday, I probably overdid it.  Or at least that is what I am thinking since my boob area kinda hurts this morning.  This was probably from having to grab the door to close it.   

After working for a few hours in the morning, Amy and I headed over to Durango.  Our first stop was Frida's for the best chips and salsa as well as good food.  I am a big fan of crispy tacos, and they make really good ones.  Amy had taquitos.  Nothing like Mundell's taquitos.  I've been missing those lately.  

After lunch, we went to Maria's bookstore.  Both of us purchasing books.  Then we tried to find me a button up short sleeve shirt (or two).  Winter is upon us I know, but as I'm mostly in the house, the flannels are too much.  No such luck.  Even at the thrift store there were zero.  Maybe I'll just cut off the sleeves at the shoulder and be rednecky.  

Last stop before the doctor was the UPS store to return some of the 20 bras we have purchased in the hopes something would work.  I actually didn't even try these on because I'm currently wearing a XXXL and those were XL.  Yea! I got my double ds.  

We got to the doctor's way too early, but it was ok because Amy had her book, and I was nearing my nap time.  We were the only ones in the waiting room so when the door opened, I knew it had to be for me.  She said she called my name softly since it appeared I was sleeping.  I wasn't and yesterday I made it through with no nap at all.  

After the nurse preliminary stuff (blood pressure, O2, etc.) and the nurse adding in the bandage covering to something I was allergic to, the doctor came in.  She immediately stated that my boobs looked way better than the photo I had sent the nurse navigator.  After looking and poking, she was concerned about some redness near the boob incision site.  From there, she promptly put me on antibiotics for 10 days.  4 times a day.  Now I am one of those people having to set timers to take meds.  

You know when you go to the doctor for a pain and by the time you leave, you are in twice as much pain because they poke and prod you.  Well, that didn't really happen because I was experiencing the upper boob pain prior to going there, but she did talk about drainage that I hope to hell doesn't happen.  This is her concern because of the redness around the incision.  I need you prayers to dig deep that this doesn't happen because I would probably also puke during it.  

But there is some good news in this whole thing.  The preliminary pathology came back.  NOT IN THE LYMPH NODES and the MARGINS WERE GOOD.  

They are still waiting for pathology on the second mass they removed.  The mass looked exactly like the cancerous one, but when initially biopsied was not cancerous.  

Once all the pathology comes back, then it will be sent to Oncology for the oncotype score.  Again, this score will determine the next steps...chemo, chemo/radiation, radiation.  So again another waiting game.  

Until next time...

One week out of surgery

Today, marks one week since the surgery.   I've had good days, and I've had bad days.  

Going to Walmart the day after surgery probably wasn't the wisest decision, but I survived.  It definitely wore me out.  I took it easy after that especially after Polly chastised me about going out into public.  

I am getting bored though.  On Saturday, we went to the Winter Market.  Got some bread, cinnamon rolls, lettuce, and carrots.  After that we went to Canyon of the Ancients Museum where we walked to the top of the hill (1-mile round trip) to take in the views and Escalante Pueblo.  We followed it up with a brief stop in the museum.  Mostly to use the bathroom.  I had a belt on and had to have Amy unbelt me before I could get into the stall.  NOTE: Do not use a belt as it hurts to take it off.   

 

As I struggled to put on my socks the other day, I was commenting how much respect I have for people who struggle on a daily basis with issues.  And I am sure they sometimes bitch, but they also realize they have to push forward.  And that is what I am trying to do.  Put one foot in front of the other and work my way through the pain and discomfort.  

     

All females can relate to this.  But my new life is in a bra almost 24/7.  The other day I thought I would try to put on a normal shirt and go without for the day.  I was able to get on a tank top of Murray's, but then my sister thought I should still wear a bra.  I definitely was Walmart worthy after that.  I mean I could probably have made it unto the Walmart video page and won something.  

My biggest pain is actually not from the incision of my boob and lymph nodes, but rather I had a pretty significant reaction to the bandage covering.  I actually have blisters from it and those are breaking.  Those are the biggest issue for the most part.  

Concerned about the above and just overall, I sexted a photo to my nurse navigator inquiring if everything looked ok.  They have decided I should come in tomorrow for a follow up appointment.  The initial one was on the 21st.  Primarily the reason for the follow up being so long was because the doctor was waiting for the pathology to come back.  She told me "you will see it pop up in your portal, but let me discuss it with you instead of trying to figure out what the numbers mean".  Anyway, Amy and I will head over to the appointment tomorrow.  It is at 2pm so may be some Mexican food and UPS store to return 2 of the 900 bras I've ordered.  

Yesterday, I sat in the recliner most of the day watching football and Yellowstone. Did you see that blocked field goal of the Chiefs?  Luckily, I had just woke up from my nap about 10 minutes prior.  And last night I probably paid for it as I was in so much pain, I broke down in tears.  Amy was saying how good I had been doing emotionally and then she comes out of her room to find me in tears with Murray at my side.  I finally took an oxy and was able to get a good night's sleep.  

Today, I will plan on taking a walk at some point and get moving around a little more than yesterday.  

Until next time....

Progress is coming

 Yesterday was a tough day even though I took it easy.  As Amy said, it is like when you have a really good workout and you are typically sore the second day rather than the first.  I am supposed to be wearing a supportive bra and maybe it was just too supportive because I was seriously bruised by the end of the day.  I'm going to forgo it today.  

Yesterday, my recovery couch arrived.  Thanks to Melissa for buying one so I knew what to expect, but I got a different color, so we aren't twins.  The delivery driver would only drop it at the door, but it was snowing so I talked him into putting it in the garage.  The couch came in about 5 boxes and on a pallet.  Amazon!  Since I cannot lift anything over 10 pounds (honestly the tea kettle is too heavy), I called upon Mike and Ashley to come over for dinner and couch building.  Thanks again gang.  

I pooped today!  💩 Anyone who has ever had surgery knows that you get super stopped up.  I sent Amy to the store of MiraLAX, but by the time she came home I was golden.  However, I was in there a while, but wow did I feel much better.  

Today is Day 3 from surgery and that is where progress is happening.  I was allowed to take off the bandage today.  It was not too painful to take it off, but still there was some grimacing.  And some of the tape took off my skin.  And now those areas are leaking.  

But the best part was I SHOWERED.  Obviously not my normal scalding shower where I keep turning the hot up and up.  And I didn't wash my hair.  I was more turning it down and down to allow the water to run over my boob.  But that is where some mild screaming took place.  The water touching the exposed skin was painful.  I just let the water and soap flow over the boob.  Showering felt so good though.  

Murray is taking some laundry to the wash and fold so that we have clean sheets on the bed, and I have some clean button up shirts.  I will find some other chores for him as well.  😏 Me, I'm going to lay on the recovery couch for a bit.  

Until next time....

How are you feeling?

This post is about me, not the election.  As in How is Sara feeling.

My boob is the size of a mini-basketball and it is firm like it as well.  I feel like I got hit in the chest with a baseball bat, but the pain is up and down.  I'm up moving around and probably over did it yesterday so today, I will lay low.  I am not truly in pain as in ouch, but more of just a bothersome pain.  

Yesterday, Amy and I went to Walmart to get a supportive bra.  I feel like a true WALMARTIAN now because I wore my pajamas there.  I found a XXXL bra to fit around my enlarged boob and wore it out of the store.  It provided comfort yesterday and I should definitely put it on soon because I'm feeling some pain.  We did some other shopping as well like more Tylenol, Colace, a mandolin, a peeler, and another button up shirt.  Winter is upon us and there are no short sleeve shirts.  Shopping in Walmart wore me out.

When we got to City Market for groceries, I hopped right into the driving cart and led Amy around pointing out things to get on my list.  Those things do not have a great turning radius, and I slammed into the gift card display.  Luckily nothing came down.  And some people were great about letting me go by and some people must have thought I didn't need to be in a driving cart as young as I am (haha).  

Those two trips wore me out and I returned home to take a short nap.  Then I ate lunch and Amy and I played SHUT THE BOX.  I laid down some, we had a wonderful meal thanks to Sara H. who made me lasagna before leaving the park, and we (Amy and I) ended the night watching the movie Unfrosted.  Murray of course finished with the election results.  

Not sure what time I finally went to sleep, but I do know I awoke at 215am.  I took some meds and read some of my kindle book before falling back to sleep.  Pabst was having some good dreams and kept kicking the closet and so by 600am I was up and awake.  There is snow on the ground.

Today, I am going to try to take it easy, but when I have to lay in bed and rest, I do not.  When I don't have to rest, I can lay in bed all day.  So here goes resting today.

Until next time....

Here we go....

I walked into the grocery store the other day and this was the first thing that I saw.  No way in hell I bought it as most of you know I have the absolute hatred for these fricking balloons.  But anyway, I've had a lot of people reach out and say, "how are you doing or how are you feeling?".  And to be honest, I've had a hard time answering those questions.  I told Lisa "like a wrecking ball".  But honestly, that is just what the first thing that came into my mind was.  Do I have bad days?  Sure I do, but then I bounce back with a good day.  Probably the worse I've endured this last week is my sleeping.  I've awakened at 2am almost every night and immediately some damn cancer thought comes into my mind and then I play toon blast until 4, sleep until 6, go about my day, and somehow make it through without a nap.  

There has been an update as of late and I've been waiting until today to post about it.  Surgery is tomorrow!  My team and I are heading over to Durango this evening because it is supposed to snow and also because I have to be at the hospital at 6:45am.  Then I get to hang out all fricking day.  Surgical nurse said I'd probably be released around 4:00pm.  UGH.  I told the team to just drop me off and come back later.  No sense they sitting in uncomfortable chairs reading books all day.  But of course, that won't happen.  

The actual surgery is not until 12:00pm.  I start the morning off with some radiology appointment where they put wires in my boob to mark the margins of the mass.  I am also injected with some dye that will trace to my lymph nodes.  Then I just hang out until 12:00pm.  The surgery will be around 1.5 hours.  I will be moved into Phase I recovery.  Once I've passed Phase I, I will be moved into Phase II and the team can come in and bother me.  And then I will be released.  Depending on weather, we will either drive back to Cortez or stay over again.  

I'm ready...

I have a shirt that Murray's brother sent me to wear "DON'T LET IT WIN" with pink ribbons.  Of course, I probably won't be wearing it home as I won't be able to lift my arm.  Amy and I went and got a comfy pajama button up top yesterday to wear home.  And Amy did some shopping prior to driving up to get me a proper after surgery bra that snaps in the front.  Luckily, she lives in Phoenix where you can order something from Amazon at 8:00am and have it delivered by 5:00pm the same day.  But she also went to several other stores to get others.  We took some back to Walmart last night.  

So here we go...

Until next time....

  

 

The date is set

The surgeons office called me on Thursday and said November 5th will be the surgery.  Ugh I can’t wait to wake up from this and find out who the next president is.  

Anyway, the plan is to have a lumpectomy. An incision or two in my boob and one under my armpit.  I’ve been having pain in both places on and off lately. Or have I?  Could they be phantom pain because I know what is lurking inside my body now. 

I am prepared that things might not go as planned and might wake up to having the entire boob gone or may be two. It is a possibility. Cancer is an evil mother fucker. We will just see. Luckily for me, I don’t have any stomach tattoos so if they have to pull skin, it will just have a belly button piercing scar.  And if they want, they can take some fat too. 

Once the mass(es) are removed, they will be sent to pathology and return a oncotype score.  This score will determine the likelihood of breast cancer reoccurring and also the treatment.  For instance, chemo might not help my cancer type.  So after surgery it is a waiting game again for about a week and a half. 

Lots of waiting, plan, waiting…

I had a call from a social worker today.  I got excited for a moment thinking not an ology but then sociology. Anyway, she asked me about my support system. 1. My husband  2. Great family support although my 3 brothers didn’t send me $100 to cheer me up (photo below I sent to them)  3. My core group of very close girlfriends. 4. My close knit friends. 5. My social media friends. 6. My work. When I mentioned work, she was very happy to hear it. And I was sad to hear her say often times people’s work aren’t supportive. WTF. Someone is fighting for their life and you are going to say “oh well see you later”. I’m very glad mine is behind me the entire way. 

So in the next week, I need to get my work life in order and plan for some recovery time.  I also have a special trip I’m planning on taking at the end of November come hell or high water. The place we’d be staying said if we can’t make it, they’d honor our payment for a year.  I would say saying you have cancer has its perks, but not really.

If you leave a comment, could you leave your first name  I didn’t realize I had so many anonymous friends.  And I haven’t been able to guess most of them.  

Until next time…

Self exams and the next steps

During both the Phoenix and Durango surgeon appointments, the doctors did another exam.  Both of them felt the lumps.  I've said before that I have not been good about doing the self-exams, but I got to thinking.... if I had done them regularly, would I have caught this way earlier.  I mean, we've caught it early, but could it have been earlier.  I just want to bring that to the women's attention again!

On Monday, Lisa, Murray, and I met for the Durango surgeon appointment.  Well first, we met at Upper Eastside deli for the most delicious sandwiches.  Anyway, we met with the doctor, who is a general surgeon and discussed options, radiology, radiation/chemo, and how long I'll be down and out.  Her words on the last was "I don't want you done and out".  

Between the two surgeons, they both thought that the lumpectomy would be the best option.  Durango surgeon said she had spent time before the appointment going over the imaging with the radiologist.  The second mass is a concern and during the lumpectomy she thought she would be able to take it out as well.  That would be one incision.  A second incision would be under my armpit for taking some lymph nodes.  First, I would go to a radiologist and have two wires inserted in my boob to mark the location of the masses.  She would also place some dye during the incision and that would help show if the cancer had travelled to the nodes.  Cross your fingers, pray, throw sand over your left shoulder, etc. that it has not.  

Once the masses are removed, radiology will do something to make sure all of it was removed.  Then I will be released from the hospital and sent home.  Yep, this will be an outpatient surgery.  

The masses will be sent to pathology (there is now a lot of OLOGY in my vocabulary) and will take about a week and a half to get the results back.  From the pathology, I'll get a score and that score determines the next phase --- radiation, chemo, radiation only, a combination, radiation for 5 days, radiation for 30 days.  

Right now, the hope is to perform the surgery on November 5th (early voting was important).  I'll probably be out of work for the month of November.  That includes recovery and a vacation I have planned, which I cleared with the doctor.  

From there I will be on restricted duty while I go through Oncology portion of the treatment.  My supervisor is already making a long list of things I can do from home.  

I also want to thank everyone who has reached out asking what they could do, asking questions even if I didn't have answers, and just giving words of encouragement.  I also find it amazing how many people have gone through cancer who I never knew had it.  And maybe I didn't know because they weren't comfortable sharing it with the entire nation.  But now that I've told my entire work group and facebook, they feel more comfortable sharing it.   Also, for those that know me, you know that I am not a hugger.  But I have resigned to the fact that everyone wants to give me a big hug and better just get used to hugging these days.  

Until next time....

Last week's update

Thursday, I had two appointments, and one meet up.  I was supposed to have 3 but thankfully the surgeon rescheduled.  I say thankfully because it was overload with just those two appointments.  Murray and Lisa went with me to one appointment and the meet up.

When I met with the surgeon in Phoenix, she said that she would not recommend an MRI because it would probably show more lumps that were probably not cancerous and just make me concerned.  However, the Durango surgeon had already ordered it, so I kept with it.  

And sure enough, the MRI showed another suspicious mass.  Primarily, in order to biopsy the new mass, it would be conducted during whatever surgery I am shooting for.  

After the MRI, we went to the best Mexican food (Frida's) in Durango, and I filled myself with chips and salsa.  Murray ordered a cheese crisp, and I said I bet it won't be as good as Taco Hacienda.  And sure enough it was not.  But they have crispy tacos so that is all that matters. 

I met with my nurse navigator to get some information and just to meet her.  She was great, gave me a book to read, binder with stuff, and answered questions.  

From her, we went down to the oncology.  That was information overload.  Lisa took lots of notes.  But she answered some questions and made me think of more.  

I got home that night drained.  And said to Murray "my nervousness exists on several levels".  (It is a line from the best president movie ever).  But primarily, I have some decisions to make.  Especially after tomorrow's appointment with the Durango surgeon.  

I've had lots of people ask me how I am doing...there are days like above that I'm not doing well.  There are days when I am just fine and don't think about the cancer at all.  There are going to be ups and downs throughout this entire ordeal and I will just push through them because I have the best inner and outer support system.  

Until next time...

The second first opinion

I had my first major appointment on Monday, October 14th.  However, before that I had been told that I had Stage 3 cancer.  So, I was a little distraught over that for a few days.  And then someone said "I hope you don't have HER2 negative.  And guess what...I have HER2 negative, so I was even more distraught.  But what I learned was to not listen to anyone except the doctor.  

On Monday, my sister and I went to the University of Arizona Breast Center in Phoenix.  This was my second opinion, however; the appointment was my first with a surgeon.  Hence, why I call it my second first opinion.  Prior to the appointment, I was emailed four pages of history to complete.  And I did my homework and completed it.  When we got to the appointment, they asked me everything on the paperwork I had already filled out and wrote it down.  I was thinking "why not just read the four pages you asked me to fill out".  Having my sister at the appointment was good because she could answer a lot of the questions about dates and ages and types of cancer.  We have the cancer gene!

The doctor came in and was warm and pleasant.  We talked some and then she did an exam.  She said she could feel the lump.  And I go back to my first post about this...I did not do self-exams as I should have.  And if I had, maybe I would have caught it even earlier.  But to be honest, I have lumpy boobies so I would have constantly been thinking I had to go get checked.  

After the exam, she pulled out a clipboard with a blank piece of paper.  I got to thinking, do doctors go through art class as part of their training?  Anyway, she started writing and drawing and explaining.  She would complete a drawing and the explanation then ask if I understood.  Then she would go on to the next item and again do the same.  Then she pulled out her phone and plugged all the numbers and such into an app and bang:

I have Stage 1a!

We caught it early, it is small, and treatable.  My initial plan was to get a Double Mastectomy (with Double D replacements) so I wouldn't have to go through this again.  But after talking with her, probably going with the lumpectomy, radiation, and may be some chemo.  

Both my sister and I really liked her.  Primarily, I have options.

Thursday, October 17th, I have an MRI and a meeting with oncology.  Monday, October 21st, I meet with the surgeon in Durango.  I will be curious what the Durango surgeon has to say.  

Until next time....

Thanks for the support

 

I want to thank everyone for their support. Although there were a lot of “I’m sorry”, YOU GOT THIS won on the Facebook comments.  I particularly liked the rectal one too. Thanks Tyla.  I will say that I’ve been more emotional over the support than the actual diagnosis.  So thanks. 

Some have asked for my address so here it is, but please don’t waste your money on cards and such. Money, vodka, Trader Joe’s goodies, etc. are more my style.  I have more than enough beanies, masks, and clothes. 

2208 E Empire Street, Cortez CO 81321

Also a quick update on what’s coming up…

I already had a trip to Phoenix planned so I’m going to keep that but I’m also going to get a second (first opinion) from the University of Arizona Breast Center surgeon.  That will be on the 14th. 

I’ll return to Colorado/Utah and have an appointment with my surgeon at Durango Mercy Breast Center. This will be where most of my stuff is completed. That is on the 17th. 

And from those meet and greets, a plan will develop. 

Back in 2015 I had the BRCA testing completed due to all my sisters having a form of cancer.  I had put it off for a long time because I didn’t want it to come back positive and then I’d just be waiting. Who am I kidding, I’ve still been waiting.  The test did come back negative, but as my doctor said “that doesn’t mean you won’t get cancer.”  My breast care nurse navigator (BCNN) recommended I get retested and so I will in the coming weeks.  But I encourage individuals who have a history of cancers in their family to get tested for all strands.  It will be interesting to see if my new test now says positive.  

Until next time…

Get a fing mammogram

It has been almost 10 years since I’ve opened this and penned a new page.  But now I’m going to have to get back in it because I’m going to be open and honest about the future.  

There is no way to sugar coat it: I HAVE BREAST CANCER. Before you start dropping questions in the comments, I’ll tell you now upfront I DON’T KNOW.  I found out yesterday and am still in the process of figuring out appointments, stages, etc.  

Luckily, my sisters have all fought and beat cancer of some kind so I know what’s in store and have their guidance.  I’m good at having short hair and shaving it.  And I have a super duper positive attitude about it.  Primarily, I’m going to beat it.  

Also thanks to my sisters, I’ve been getting paps since I was 16 and mammograms since my 20s.  I will admit that I’ve been terrible about self exams, but I’ve always gone yearly.  And this year resulted in an abnormal exam.  It was quickly followed up with another mammo, ultrasound, and biopsy.  And here we are.

So please women keep up with your mammograms yearly.  No it isn’t fun getting them smashed, but it can save us. And men, go get them testicles tickled as well.

Until next time…pray, white light me, throw me memes and jokes, etc.