Tuesday, June 08, 2004

Golf-Who invented the game?

Back in the days of Private Investigating, I had to work a case about a lesbian golfing relationship. She was supposed cheating with a woman who owned this golf shop. I ended up purchasing a set of clubs. And no, the company didn't pay for them. But I got into golfing sort of.

The game sucks. Well, today the game sucked. Last week on nine holes I shot a 48. My dad said was that PGA rules. Well no, it was Sara's rules and best ball play. I play by myself most of the time and usually hit 2-3 balls off the tee. Whichever is the best hit, I play that ball. It isn't like I am going for the championship. I am playing for the heck of playing. You know PT time.

Today I played 18 and drove the cart. Usually I walk it because you can't call it PT time and drive a cart. Heck, technically we aren't supposed to call it PT at all, but two of us do. JOKING. I played alone as usual. And today, I sucked ass. If it was a par 3, I got a 6. If it was a par 4, I got a 6. If it was a par 5, I got a 6. Scary--666. Oh well, I was just out there for relaxation and fun. Whoever decided golf was for relaxation was an idiot. It is one of the most frustrating games. The point of PT time is to do an activity that keeps your heartrate up. Hello, like golf isn't keeping the heartrate above the normal?

The course's advertisement is "beautiful scenery on every hole". I try to use that as my relaxation technique. Today is was only half working. I will agree though that the views are spectacular. On Hole 14 if you know where to look in the distance you will see some rock art. Every hole has at least one rabbit, squirrel, and chipmunk running around, lounging in the shade, or whatever else they do. The other day, I watched a rabbit go from one side of the course to the other, come close to another rabbit, and then return to the other side. Ok, that was weird. I find myself frequently talking to the animals mostly because we have invaded their space. I tell the rabbit laying in between the tees that I will just be a moment and if he could wait over in the shade at the other end, he can have his space back shortly. It was scary when he went to that shady part and waited. I didn't look back to see if he had return to lounging between the tees because I was cussing the balls. I saw a deer on hole 8 today. There were frogs and bullfrogs. And I saw a handicap squirrel. I kid you not. This thing had no use of its hind legs. It was the most amazing sight really.

This course has another feature that I truly believes sucks! The course is surrounded by the desert. And I will be the first to say that it is beautiful. However, it sucks up balls like crazy. I think the club house makes more money off of ball purchases than green fees. Anyway, I lost two balls today. I watched exactly where it went. I mean exactly. I searched the area for a while and couldn't find it. I truly believe that if you dig up some of the chipmunk holes, you will find many, many golf balls. I did find a couple of the balls that I hit into the rough, but all in all I lost two today. And that was a low day.

The other feature on the course that sucks is the trees. You watch Tiger on TV hit through trees and put it right on the green. Not Utah trees. I have yet to hit through a tree. I also think this is part of the squirrel conspiracy. You often see the chipmunks, squirrels, and rabbits huddled together in one area. They are conspiring something. Anyway, I hit the ball and see it going toward the tree. I just start walking toward the tree because I know it isn't going through. Sure enough--WACK! And down it falls behind the trunk. Just smile. This game is relaxing, right.

I have never had a golf lesson in my life. I am naturally athletic and just am able to hit the ball straight most of the time. I am really out there for fun. However, my consistency drives me, wait my inconsistency, drives me insane. As I said earlier, I shot a 48 the other day. Today, I won't even tell you my score, but if you multiply 6X9, it isn't a pretty score. I will say I parred a few holes on the back 9 though. So lets just use an example, I am on Hole 16. I hit a beautiful first shot and then get a 6 of course. Hole 17, I feel I do the same damn thing with regard to grip, position, etc. and the shot goes all wacko. Ok, ok. I know obviously I didn't do exactly the same thing. One time I will put a beautiful shot on the green using a 7 iron. I feel that I am the same distance from the green on the next hole so I pull out that trusty 7 iron and land short. My putting sucks no matter what day. Primarily because I get up there and hit the ball. Never goes where I am aiming, which I know, I know, means I probably wasn't really aiming there. I guess in time and with practice, I will become more consistent, but I feel like I should already be there.

I will be out there tomorrow again most likely after purchasing another $10 package of balls from the club. I think I will walk tomorrow though because I seem to take more time on my shots. I will post a comment of my possible score. Have a good weekend folks.

Thursday Golf Update
The game was on today folks. I was hitting unbelievable shots and then putting like usual. I found my niche for hitting the ball into the air so it is no longer a wormer screwer like my dad calls it. The inconsistency is still there. The short game and green game still suck, but I knocked down the 6s today. I parred a hole. I keep a running total on the same score card to mark my progress. Today's scores looked much better than two weeks ago. I did have a couple crappy holes, but all in all it was a great day.

I had to play quick because I had to pick up someone at 1pm. I teed off behind a two-some using a cart. I was walking today which I think helps my game more. I caught them at hole 2. As I walked up to their cart, they had already teed off, but found it necessary to let me play through. In the typical redneck, back desert Utah talk, one of them says:

Redneck: How we doing?

In my typical smartass talk: I don't know, how are you doing?

Think that is when they decided it was a good idea to let me play through. I shanked it into the desert and lost the first of 5 balls. While kind of looking for that ball, I saw a leopard lizard with a speed lizard in its mouth. Pretty cool actually. On hole 4, I normally come up short, but today I lost the second ball as it flew over the back of the green and disappeared. The next 3 balls went into the drink at hole 8, but while waiting for the senior men to tee off of 9, I walked around the pond and found 9 balls right near the edge. I parred hole 9. So it definitely turned out a great day.

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