Friday, January 07, 2005

Waiting on the Future

I stand at the edge of the platform and I wait. I wait for something unbelievable to happen. All I can do is wait because I have no real control of my life. I mean I make choices and such, but things just happen for reasons. I am not sure if there is a higher power that gives direction to my soul. I am not sure if there is a power that lives in the core of the Earth that controls my mischievous side. (Really, I would have to go with the latter more than the former.) But it seems that life is about waiting. Waiting for tomorrow, which if you think about it never really comes. Tomorrows are just todays. Tomorrows never come. Well at least I don't think of them as tomorrows. It is hard to live in the now of today and be mindful of the whole situation when you are waiting.

I am waiting for a call that may or may not come on Tuesday. And even if the call comes, it may not be the answer I want to hear. And then what? I am back to waiting. And waiting sucks! Minutes don't tick by quick enough so Tuesday rolls into my hands. And I am constantly thinking of that phone call. What are they going to tell me?

That phone call is one that might change my future. It may take me away from my comfort zone. It may alter my existence. If the phone call is affirmative then my future is moving in the right direction. If the call if negative then I am back at square one and once again waiting for a glimpse into my future. More than anything I will be back waiting for another phone call. Hoping this one will be more positive.

Four more days of waiting. And if that phone call isn't something I want to hear then I am not going to post about it. But if it is the deciding factor in my life, I will post about my future. Until then, wait with me.

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